I used to be the mom who said yes to everything. Sure, I’ll volunteer! Yes, I can bring snacks! Of course, I’ll take that on!
And then I found myself standing in the kitchen at 11:47 PM, frosting 48 cupcakes while muttering “I did this to myself.”
At some point, between school events, work deadlines, and the never-ending laundry pile, I realized something: I needed to learn how to say no without guilt.
Because saying yes to everything meant saying no to myself.
Why Is It So Hard to Say No?
For many of us, no feels like a rejection—of an opportunity, of someone else, or even of an expectation we’ve placed on ourselves. But constantly saying yes often leads to stress and burnout.
Instead of looking at no as a negative, we need to see it as a tool—one that helps us prioritize what truly matters (like sleep, boundaries, and not becoming the PTA’s event planner).
If setting boundaries feels impossible, you’re not alone. Research shows that many women struggle with people-pleasing tendencies, often at the expense of their well-being (Harvard Business Review).
So how do we get better at saying no—without guilt?
How to Get More Comfortable Saying No
If saying no gives you instant anxiety, here are some ways to set boundaries while still being kind and supportive.
1. No is a Complete Sentence.
You don’t need an excuse. You don’t need an elaborate backstory. You don’t need to blame a scheduling conflict with your imaginary Pilates class.
You can simply say: “I can’t commit to that right now.”
No explanation needed. Say it. Stop talking. Walk away.
For more practical ways to set boundaries and reduce mental overload, check out our guide on avoiding burnout as amompreneur.
2. Buy Yourself Time.
If an immediate no feels uncomfortable, stall. Take a breath.
Try saying:
- “Let me check my schedule and get back to you.”
- “I need to think about that before I commit.”
- “Oh look, a distraction!” (Okay, maybe not that one.)
This gives you space to make a decision without pressure—and helps you avoid saying yes out of guilt.
3. Offer an Alternative (If You Want To).
If you’d like to help but can’t commit fully, suggest another way to contribute:
- “I can’t chair the event, but I’d love to help with set-up.”
- “I can’t make that meeting, but I can send over some ideas.”
- “I can’t make the bake sale, but I’m happy to Venmo someone $10 for cookies.” (We all know that’s the best solution anyway.)
4. Recognize That Priorities Matter.
Before committing, ask yourself:
- Does this align with my personal or professional goals?
- Will saying yes bring joy or just more stress?
- Am I agreeing because I want to or because I feel obligated?
At the start of my motherhood + entrepreneurship journey, a wise friend shared a principle that completely reframed how I approached my time:
When it comes to working full time and volunteering, she only commits to classroom opportunities where she interacts with her kids face to face—leaving other tasks to those who have more capacity.
That stuck with me. There will always be another SignUp Genius link, another PTA request, another opportunity to give. But just because something is a “good” thing doesn’t mean it’s the right thing for you right now.
So when the next request comes in, give yourself permission to pause and ask: Does this align with my priorities, or is it time for a gracious no?
Need help setting priorities in your business? Here’s how to focus on what truly moves the needle.
5. Embrace the Power of Boundaries.
Setting boundaries doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you someone who values their time and sanity.
It’s okay to say no to things that don’t serve you.
It’s okay to say no to things that drain you.
It’s okay to say no just because you don’t want to do it.
Saying no doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you care enough about yourself to protect your time.
If this is a struggle, Brene Brown’s insights on setting boundaries with confidence might help.
